InVietnamese society, the predominant sentiment in the relation betweenmembers of a social group is respect. This is particularly evident inthe attitude towards older people. Respect and consideration for oldage no doubt derive from the obligation of filial piety that requiresyoung people to respect and love their parents and parent-like membersof the family. Vietnamese also recognize that a long life is a sign ofkindness and regard on the part of the deity for virtuous people, andthat the elders are the carriers of tradition and the embodiment ofknowledge and wisdom. Old people enjoy high respect in Vietnamesesociety, irrespective of wealth, education, or social position. Thisrespect is expressed in both attitude and behavior, particularly in theuse of special terms of address and stylistic devices. Unlike Westernsocieties that put a premium on youth, Vietnamese society is proud ofits old members. Age is an asset, not a liability.

Teachers, even though they are young, enjoy great respect and prestige in Vietnamese society. In Vietnamthe student-teacher relationship retains much of the quality of a son'srespect for his father's wisdom and of father's concern for his son'swelfare. The respect that students show to the teachers is also evidentin linguistic behavior. The terms of address that students use inspeaking to their teachers are the same as those they use in speakingto their parents.

Linguisticdevices are one of the many ways that allow the Vietnamese speaker tosave face and at the same time allow others to save face. Depreciatoryterms are applied to oneself and complimentary terms are used forothers. The practice of "beating about the bush" to avoid answering arequest in the negative, and the tendency of the Vietnamese student tosay yes to questions asked by his teacher stem from this preoccupationwith saving face.

"You and I" in Vietnamese

InAmerica, people put emphasis on friendliness in interpersonalrelationships while in Vietnamese society the emphasis is more onrespect. We may say without fear of error that respect is thecornerstone of interpersonal relationship in Vietnamese society,whether in the family or in social circles, whether on the employmentscene or between friends and lovers. This is reflected in the languageused by Vietnamese in their daily life.

Inmaking an utterance, Vietnamese simultaneously expresses ideas andconcepts and an attitude of respect (or disrespect) towards the hearer.This expression is natural because it is inherent in the nature of thewords used, and generally neither the speaker nor the hearer isconscious of it. But, if the speaker unintentionally (or purposely)uses a word reflecting an attitude of disrespect, the hearer willinstantly realize it and react to it accordingly.

Americanpeople use only word, the word yes, to express agreement and this wordis neutral as to respect or disrespect. Of course, an answer with themere word yes lacks the courtesy conveyed by a longer answer such as"Yes, I am"; "Yes, he did"; or "Yes, Mr. Brown". On the contrary, theVietnamese speaker must choose between “Dạ”, “Vâng”, “Phải” to expressagreement. In Vietnamese, other people invite us to “xơi” ("eat rice"or "take a meal"), but in replying, we must say that we have already ornot yet “ăn” (eat) and not “xơi”. How complicated it is!

Thedifference between the linguistic behavior of American and Vietnamesepeople can be seen in the use of personal names. In writing a letter toa person who is not known, to ask for information or to apply for ajob, example, Arnericans will usually use the term Dear followed by theperson name (the last name, it should be noted); this shows courtesyand friendliness. Vietnamese people, by contrast, use only termsexpressing respect such as “kính”, “kính thưa” and never address theperson by name, for this would convey an impolite, disrespectfulattitude. Conseguently, "Dear Mr. Brown" is not "Ông Brown thân mến"but simply "Thưa ông" or "Kính thưa ông" ("respected gentleman").

InVietnamese, special respect is conveyed by using function-words forrespect when addressing persons such as parents, old people, teachers,monks and priests, and superiors. The verbal response begins with afunction-word such as "dạ", "thưa", "dạ thưa", "kính thưa". Therefore,the word "dạ", often translated as “yes”, is actually a function-wordshowing respect and does not necessarily indicate agreement.

Personalpronouns are a word class in Vietnamese which best reflects thispreoccupation with expressing respect or disrespect for other people inlanguage. American people have one word for you to address parents,brothers and sisters, wife and children, friends and foes, and evenanimals. Likewise, they have only the word I (or its inflected form me)to refer to themselves when speaking. How converlient it is! But at thesame time those words lack the ability to express feelings of respector disrespect of tee Vietnamese personal pronouns. People who aresenior in age or status are usually referred to with such term ofrespect as “cụ, ông, bác, chú, anh, thầy, cha, bà, cô”. People youngerthan the speaker, or who have a lower status, are usually addressed orreferred to with the terms “anh, chị, chú, em, cháu, con”. To showanger and disdain, the terms “mày” or “mi” might be used, and fawningis shown by the use of “ngài” or “cụ lớn”.

Termsof address such as “bác”, “cô” and “anh” are perhaps the most difficultto use in Vietnamese because they can express opposing feelings andsentiments. According to the context, they may express respect ordisdain, familiarity or contempt. A Vietnamese addressing a stranger as“bác” may mean respect (considering him on the same footing as ourfather's elder brother), familiarity and affection (regarding him ashis uncle), or outright contempt (looking down on him as having a lowsocial status).

In conclusion, social relationships in Vietnam is so different from other countries and rather complicated. Inusing Vietnamese, we cannot overlook this essential feature ofVietnamese culture which is the expression of respect in language.